Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few
months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are),
we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if
we were preparing to have Rosemary's
Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every
time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of
the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar.
Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
after that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears
off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more !
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's -
while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
so we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's
either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog
in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING
the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women
are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.
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